in which no one likes being a god, except jongin. and maybe kris. (mt. olympus/greek gods au)
"jongin," kris calls, and when the male doesn't pay attention, he sighs. "jong. in." he carefully enunciates, and it is then that jongin frivolously turns to look at kris and bats his eyelashes. "yes?"
"you need to stop sleeping around, okay? zitao just screamed at me and he is not happy about you stealing sehun away during september. upset zitao makes upset jongdae, and upset jongdae makes a frustrated me. remember the one-third-of-year rule with zitao? please tell me you do." kris presses on his temples and glares at jongin.
jongin promptly looks away to wink, with a sultry smirk, at kyungsoo, who looks so shocked he flees to kris' back, the wings on his golden boots humming quietly. yixing snorts from his seat.
"i didn't steal sehun. he came to me. also, i don't seduce people, people want me." jongin snaps at kris. "anyway, sehun chose me for the last one-third of the year. it means he likes me more than zitao, anyway."
"i hope you realize you're married and that sehun already spends two-thirds of the year with you—stop making kissy faces at kyungsoo, he is traumatized, if you haven't noticed—" kris says airily, "are you paying for therapy from yixing?"
junmyeon ruefully gnaws on the rim of the golden gauntlet set on the table. jongin scoffs and waves a hand at junmyeon. "hyung, you married me off to him, but i don't even like him. let me be."
"whatever," kris says dismissively, exasperated. kyungsoo whimpers from his back. "oh yeah, go pacify zitao about your sehun-stealing incident. i don't want him up my arm rubbing snot on my sleeve, crying about how unfair jongin is because sehun is escaping from him. okay?"
"zitao really likes pandas."
jongin thinks baekhyun is really good at being sly. and he's really smart. (although jongin has no idea how baekhyun knows that about zitao)
two days later luhan stumbles into the hall, great hall of mount olympus, for god's sake, smelling like bad beer and leather jackets. kris wants to throw up. "what are you doing here?" he asks instead.
"zitao turned up with a pet panda last night," luhan says, corner of his lips upturned, "says it's a gift from jongin."
"if you tell me zitao agreed to let jongin have sehun for a full year next year i will shout at you."
"for no apparent reason?" he grins, and cocks his brows. kris nods. luhan nods back.
"i am going to kill sehun!" chanyeol yells, spear in his right hand, hair dishevelled. kris wants to tell him how bad he looks, but decides against it. with a sigh, he relents. he feels like one of those nosey aunts who pose ten billion questions when you take just one step. "why?"
"jongin went and turned cerberus into a panda—a freaking panda and gave it to zitao as a gift. zitao's secret weakness is the panda. i thought no one knew!" he flails his arms. "anyway, after luhan's party, he went home and the panda became cerberus again; then zitao kept sehun with jongdae last night and jongin was supposed to meet me, but he forgot! me! because of sehun!" chanyeol roars, thrusting his spear up.
"i heard zitao plans to give sehun to jongin for the whole of next year because of the panda too, if i'm not wrong." kris idly flips through a magazine. chanyeol lets out a muffled croak. "and you can't lie to zitao, you know that. jongdae will get you and cerberus will get you—with all the sharp teeth and all the slobber. i wonder how jongin is even living now."
chanyeol, for a moment, looks like he wants to cry. kris contemplates whether to call yixing over for emotional therapy or not. chanyeol dejectedly walks away but the next moment a scream from the corridor that can only belong to zitao is really shrill and loud, so they rush outside.
"you lied to me, little bitch, no one lies to me," zitao yells, clutching at a fistful of jongin's dark hair and yanking hard. jongdae is watching on with an amused smile and jongin growls back, attempting to detach zitao from his hair.
"but you promised, right? that next year sehun will not go to you at all." jongin grins. zitao lets out a bloodcurdling scream again and lunges for jongin's neck, fingers and all. "remember how i turned that taemin girl into a guy when minho fucked her in my temple," jongin wheezes, zitao's fingers curling around his neck harshly, "she had a nice face. when she realized she became a guy, zitao, her face wa exactly like yours."
chanyeol gapes helplessly (probably wanting to help jongin) but the wraith of zitao is not to be underestimated so they just watch, speechless. "sometimes they forget we're not humans," kris murmurs. "jongin won't die, obviously. look at zitao trying and crying."
jongin is thrown across the corridor to the garden's entrance by zitao and the door opens.
"holy fuck!" minseok yells, stumbling backwards. seeing jongin close-up, with blood stains smeared all over his face and his arm clawed deep red isn't just the thing minseok wanted to greet first, right after a productive harvest.
kris leans over the marble railing shaking his head sympathetically, mulling over his role of the god of all gods, and also, just maybe, kris should tell yixing to come over this time, to heal minseok from mental damage or something.
a/n: lol. i don't even know. written in less than an hour, i think. sorry for the failed humor and failed plot and everything!! personally i am very enthralled by greek mythology and there are 12 olympians (although not all fit in here ;;) so i was like fuck it because kai is really aphrodite-incarnate material. shout outs to lovely t-list who helped me think of the olympians suitable for each member— amanda and mia!! ♥
p/s: if anyone guesses correctly which god each member represents, you get virtual cookies!!! and many many hearts from me!!! (given that you aren't from t-list and that you didn't know about this at all keke.)